Saturday, April 21, 2012

Ring the Bell, school's back in



I guess I haven't had much to say lately- or actually, a little too much to say- too personal, too close to home.


So this story should be told because I think everyone's been there:


Something you thought was really sweet and innocent goes sour faster than a bottle of Thunderbird wine in the June sun.


What happened was I met this guy through work and (to make a long story short) was flirting with him in a very mild way, testing the waters. Then he showed his true colors: player/ stinkbug.


For example, after he seemed to show some interest, I left him my phone number on FB, thinking if he wanted to pursue it, he would. Then he was texting me for a few days, being mildly flirtatious back. All good. Rather than drag things out, I asked him to play badmitton with me that Sunday, kind of a "get to know you" type thing.


Well, we had fun and then grabbed a burger and a beer at the local pub and got to know each other a little. I was still on the fence about him- he's stunning looking but as far as personality goes- that kind of blank, bland, removed, walled- up Filipino thing was going on- nice, sweet, gentlemanly, but didn't really feel a strong connection (contrasting the live-wire chemistry I've had with, say, Ankit, where we played off each other and he seemed to make the room around him shimmer with sexual energy).


Well that lack of any strong connection was probably a good thing because after I got home I got this message from him asking if I would mind keeping us going out on the DL because his friends might tease him.


Ok, sure. You want the DL? You. Fucking. Got it. I made sure to get a blow out the next day and roll into work wearing a divinely flattering black sweater and pants that even my super picky roommate had commented on. Then it was time for something Cary Tennis turned me on to: "Mental Photoshop". He's just not there. No looks, no smiles, no hi. Nothing.


Now, I don't like playing games- well, correction, I enjoy it, but I don't like the *idea* of having to play games to get what I want. It puts a sour taste over the whole friendship or romance.


Sure enough, that same night I got another message- "I'm sorry I sent that message, it was the wrong thing to say-- I saw you today and you are indeed beautiful." Score: Me 01. Him: 00


Well, then the flirtatious texting continues, ( including several texts where he tried unsuccessfully to get me to commit to saying I liked him/ was interested in him) but after one visit to his FB page (which I won't be repeating) it becomes clear that there's someone else very much in the picture that was (most likely) in the "development" stages when I was also flirting with him. So that's that. I mean, cute guys are everywhere, I don't need to waste my time on someone that's not availiable.

So I went deep cold- I wasn't upset, just pragmatic- I mean, what's the point? Over the weekend I got one or two texts, same old story, so I invited him to a birthday party for a friend. I got a "I can't/ maybe I can/ no I can't" text series- 3 in 3 minutes- 2 of which came before I could answer the first one. Okay, someone doesn't have a fucking clue what he's doing.

Anyway, that was that. I'm not chasing someone around. Status update of "it's complicated" and a "no, but thanks sooo much" to an invitation= not interested.


Well, imagine my pique when I got a text from him yesterday saying THIS: "Hi Naomi, hope everything's good. I'm not sure if I passed certification for the next level [at work], could you do me a favor and find out? Thanks Miss Naomi."

Let's break this down. Hell. No.


I thought about it for about half an hour, simmering with rage over the snarky little "Miss" (just to remind me he's a student and I'm a creaky, ancient, sexless old maid teacher), and the fact this guy had the stones to ask me for a favor when he's done nothing for me and has zero intention of ever doing anything for me.


He's clearly trading on the fact that he thinks he knows I like him (and more than he likes me, putting him in the "driver's seat") so he can ask me for "favors" and i'll do it, thinking this will somehow endear me to him, put me closer to dating him.


Funnily enough, I've never heard a man say "I really fell in love with her because she did so many favors for me."


Gentle Readers, mama didn't raise no doormat.


Here's the verbatim of the message I sent "Actually that's not my dept. Ask [coworker]. Beyond that, it's really not quite cricket to ask a woman for "favors" using your slight friendship as a ballast. Especially when you haven't done anything for her. She looks desperate if she says yes and cold if she says no. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it, but I felt I had to say something."


Ding. That's how you call out someone's bullshit. I got a text back but I haven't even opened it. No matter what it says, it won't be able to erase or explain the pure bad manners of trying to take advantage of someone that showed some interest in you, when you have little or no interest in them. Bad show.






Slightly Belated review of Camp John Hay in Baguio

Day 02 of Baguio:



Well, the day was a bit overcast, so it was good weather to go for a stroll in Camp John Hay. This is a relic of the American Occupation, it was a recreational center for American soldiers in the early years before WWII, and up until about 1950's or so. Now it's being slowly rehabbed to include a ritzy hotel, a super tacky strip mall of shops and restaurants, a few mid range boutique hotels, and several tragic attempts at recreation (an impossible to find Butterfly sanctuary, a historically accurate house that will give you the major willies, and a sad little paint ball zone).

The place itself is a bit of a mystery to me (as so much in the Philippines, it's been criminally mismanaged), as it's about 15 minutes outside town proper and it's really pretty- rolling hills, several well delineated walking trails, major roads, and several lovely colonial era buildings that are still in very good shape. So why does it kind of make you need a stiff bourbon?

The cab driver dropped me off at a little group of shops including a Starbucks and some restaurants like "Wildshotz burgers". Anyhow, I toddled over to the Marketing and Sales dept, hoping to get a pamphlet or a map or some suggestions as to where to start exploring this NATIONAL TREASURE. (heh.). I creaked open the door to a place that looked like it hadn't changed since 1928 (which, let's be frank, it really hasn't) and found a dazed looking stoner dude who looked nice but had the same affable helplessness as Rob Schneider in any of his movies-- not someone you want to ask for directions.
A request for a pamphlet resulted in a tiny map on a half sheet of recycled paper (there was a memo on the other side) with NO other information. There was a hand drawn X on the "You are here" Marketing Dept. While I was exploring the office, which had several anterooms, each more depressing than the last, the dude slithered out, sensing the presence of a troublesome tourist type (damn them! Coming to the Marketing office! I mean, what the hell!)

The offices were decorated in mid 1960's government not for profit chic- tons of well made yet slightly damaged office furniture, several wobbly green chalk boards with heartbreaking plans sketched out for the golden day when CJH would reclaim it's glory days, dusty cases with "museum pieces" of flags and medal given by President Hoover, etc. You know the type of place.

I tracked down helpful dude to a smoking shack where he was hiding, I mean, have a cigarette with a guard. I asked him "So are there golf carts, or is all of this within walking distance?" He was shattered by this, and I tried again "Is this museum like 2 miles away, or what?" "No, ma'am, it's not 2!" He sputtered, looking at the guard, who was doing the "I'm not heeeerreeee" thing you do when two people are arguing right next to you and you just want to sink through the floor. "Should I get a taxi? That seems kind of silly if it's less than a mile." He thought about it. "Maybe it's nice to walk, ma'am." he finally came up with.

With that glowing recommendation, I started off (in the wrong direction, it turns out) to toddle along the path to the tacky little strip mall called Mile High Shopping Center. It's the kind of place that's hyped up the moon by developers and in the plans, there's always Mom, Dad, Melissa and Brad shopping, having cappuchinos, arms full of shopping bags. In reality, it looks run down three minutes after the ribbon is cut, the shops are full of the super depressing dreck that these type of places always attract (polyester "designer" goods from "Miss Sazzzzzzy" or whoever the horrible urchin that's inflicting this on the public is), and row after row of empty cafe tables and chairs, and one middle aged couple eating with a sour look on their face, having been duped into this by Stoner Dude tour guide.

Anyway, on my way I passed the Manor, a hotel that the Overlook is scared of- a gigantic relic that's been remade by Horace Dent ('scuse me! I mean the PDC!--inside Shining joke for those of you that aren't as rabid of Shining fans as I am) and now looks as menacing as the Joker in the Dark Knight movie- as scary as hell. In addition to the P-Overlook (Philippines Overlook) there were a few buildings that would have been super cool but they were boarded up and left to rot, with a single sleepy guard to look after them.

This was both intriguing and heartbreaking. Some of my seminal memories involve rotting old buildings, I've made quite a bit of art about modern urban ruins, I have a tattoo that says "ruins", etc, but in the presence of such, I immediately start mentally painting over the actual building to the glory days, and the resulting sensation is a mix of pain and the unnameable feeling you get when you're researching something and you find the right reference, only now you've lost the thread of what you were saying in the first place.



I finally made it to Bell House (what an UNFORTUNATE name-lending itself easily to both "Hell" and "Hill" house, Jesus Christ on crutches, CJH!), which was also trapped in amber. The vast, immaculate rooms, each liberally scattered with "Thank you for not touching a damn thing, sticky fingers" signs, was empty of a single soul, either living or of the strong presence you can sometimes feel in well thought out historical houses such as the George Eastman House in Rochester, NY. There were NO placards (placards are for sissies), pamphlets, tour guide, or anything that might have told the story of the place, of which there are no doubt many funny, cool, or sad, or even scary. Way to under merchandise, Phil. Yet again.

The flora of the area was very pretty, the colors glowing in the foggy, misty, drizzly day, and I captured several shots of lovely fluttering blooms. That's about the highlight of the trip.

After taking a few pictures, using the very well maintained loo, and toddling back to the "Filling Station" restaurant area, I had lunch (which was pretty good) and then went back to the hotel to get a rest before dinner.

Overall, it wasn't a bad experience, it was "nice to walk", and get some exercise in the mild weather (sweater weather, which is so nice after 18 straight months of summer), but if the best thing you can say about a place is "well, I got my government recommended 60 minutes of physical exercise", something's lacking.

People around the world...join hands...for the love train, the love train...

Internations mixer

About a week ago I ran into an acquaintance, named Divine (an Indian male), who’s one of those super outgoing, bubbly, party people type. He and I were chatting and I mentioned that I’m looking to relocate the Manila for a lot of reasons, one of which is the lack of ex pats here in Clark. He perked right up and said that he belonged to a professional networking group called InterNations, and as it was members- invite only, he would send me an invite. A few days later I set up my account, to find that the next event was scheduled for April 14, that very Saturday, in Manila. There’s only one chapter in the Philippines, and that’s in Manila—so off to Manila I went.
Since my Holiday Inn Priority Privilege card recently expired, taking it’s buy one get one coupons with it, I had two choices: either bite the bullet and pay full price for the Shangri-La that is the Manila Intercontinental, or bite the *other* bullet and go for a less fabulous hotel at a cheaper price. I doodled around on the internet and found a very promising contender: The Oasis at Paco Park boutique hotel. At half the price of the Intercon, it had a pool, three restaurants, and appeared to be in a reasonable, not too inaccessible section of town. Sold! I booked a “recently renovated Deluxe room” and took the Saturday morning shuttle to Manila.

After doing some obligatory shopping on High Street (the only area of the Philippines that looks like Pittsford, NY, with it neatly laid out sidewalks, zebra striped pedestrian crossings, working stoplights, lack of tricycles and chi-chi boutiques, it’s a pleasurable retreat from the noise, crowds, and pollution of the “other” areas of Manila), I headed to the hotel to settle in and go for a dip before heading out to the Manila boat club.

The hotel itself was an unassuming three story building, built in two wings that overlooked a central courtyard that contained the pool (which was mostly a 20 foot wave machine being relentlessly churned by three swimming wings wearing toddlers). There was no elevator—a large central staircase led up to the two upstairs wings, and then a smaller, wooden, spiral staircase led up to the third floor. My room was neat, and airy, with a well appointed bathroom, an armoire with sticky drawers, a flat screen TV set at “hospital bed” level on the wall opposite the bed, and a dressing chair. The bathroom itself was slightly unusual in that it had no shower stall or tub- the floor was just slightly sloped in to a central drain and the area around the shower curtained off.

Overall, it was pretty much exactly what I’d paid for. A reasonably-priced middle budget hotel room. In the oddest, most inaccessible, taxi drivers have- never- heard- of- it- place ever. Taxis were a major expense, as most wouldn’t run the meter, instead charging a flat rate 3 times what I was used to paying in Makati. To go to any of my favorite haunts (Cubauo, Makati, etc) it was pricey.
After a dip and a shower, I put on a sequined tank top and a pair of cropped trousers and high heels ( a move I would later regret), ate a very filling dinner at the hotel restaurant, and then hopped a cab to the Manila Boat Club.

The MBC is one of those places I’m very familiar with in the US- a historical landmark that’s hard to find since  it was built first and then the city grew up around it. It was located on a small side street in a very windy, cramped, odd little baranguy. But me and the taxi driver found it nonetheless, and we pulled up to what turned out to be a country- wedding- style convoy of cars crunching up a long twisted gravel driveway, disgorging their well- dressed passengers, and then making 47-point turns to get out of there.
The MBC is a wood frame two story building whose main entrance and main hall are located on the second story, which is accessible only by a rickety, ancient, much-repaired wooden staircase outside the structure. This leads you to a slat- floored wooden deck, which is the only way to get to the main hall. Immediately I saw that the slats were just far enough apart to create a heart thumping night of regret for wearing heels and I tottered quickly inside after claiming my two drink tokens (heavy, shiny poker chips, the good kind). Inside was exactly the kind of place I’d been expecting---- a very functional sporting hall that had made one or two rattle-trap concessions to leisure- one of which was a wooden case, about 4’ by 3’, with 12 inch glass front individual “lockers” for the members to lock up their Johnny Walker Blue Label to have at the club when they want it (at least one Blue was resting comfortably there at the time).
The main hall with the bar and trophy / photo wall was a loose square that overhung (one could look into them via a balcony) two racquetball and one handball courts, with a narrow (extremely, only about 12 inches wide) steep staircase to the lower area, which held the courts and the locker rooms.

In the hall itself, two ancient fans of the type your high school brings out when the air conditioning fails, chugged away “cooling” the air, since the MBC was built in 1894 and hasn’t been renovated since, apparently. Overall it was tatty, privileged, sporty, and ancient- preppy heaven overlooking the Bay, which obliged by sparkling darkly and romantically and sending a heavenly breeze into the over heated crowd, most of which was on the balcony, since inside was a sauna.

Members of the MBC, which mostly concerns itself with rowing crew, were lolling around, red- faced and a bit tipsy, handing out begging brochures for donations and chatting up the guests, asking even the most far fetched candidates (like me) to consider joining the rowing team.
I hunkered down with my complimentary wine and in a few moments was approached by a friendly, pretty older woman. Clearly a Filipino (can’t escape them, apparently), she was an over- 40 vivacious firecracker. With fluffy shoulder length curls, a well- maintained unlined face with full Janice Dickenson lips, and the general air of a Latin Lover, she put one in mind of Charo- a sharp bombshell who only looks bubble-headed. Wearing a pink tank top with spaghetti straps and a complicated pearl necklace with a tangle of chains wrapped around a central rose amethyst (or something made to resemble it), she was the type of women who I have had a lot of experience with. Outgoing, nervous, talkative, perky, bubbly, and a bit over the top—that was her. She gave me a tour and we chatted for a bit- she was even nice enough to “check in” with me later from across the bar- giving me a nod and a thumbs up when she saw me talking to another American.

I drifted into conversation with a hearty Fallstaff-ian type named “Chip”- a 30- something guy with glasses and sandy hair, who owned his own aeronautics company- making and supplying airlines with electronics. It was really a breath of fresh air to talk so easily with someone who wasn’t a creepy 65+ ex- pat with odd personal habits (the kind of American you usually find in Clark, sadly).

We chatted for a bit and then I drifted outside to get another drink token. Once inside, the man next to me, who I took for an Indian at first, turned to me and started talking. His name: Tony. Now, loyal readers will know that a man named Tony has 150% better shot at getting me to talk to him (for starters!) as I have a huge Achilles heel for “Tonys” and have dated, at last count, at least 4. Tony is (I would guess) a late 40’s Filipino who bears a strong resemblance to an Indian- dark complexion and plum colored lips, as well as the type of business- casual wear that Indian men love (button down shirt, non- fashion jeans, and loafers). He looked kind of like an Eastern Jeff Goldbloom- he had that same academic, nebbishy, full- of- character- but- still –well- made face. A face with a story, and topped with exceptional hair- wavy verging on curly, just kissed with sterling grey. I told my friend Lea about him and before I even got the full phrase out of my mouth she was joining me “Husband material.” Some men just radiate this “husband” vibe (I imagine women do too, for men) where you just immediately picture the past, the present and the future with them and all the generations that came before and all that will come after. They just seem grounded, safe, trustworthy, but still attractive. Too bad he didn’t have a brother! (He’s taken—women aren’t fools. This lilac Rolls Royce Phantom was very much NOT on the market!)

At any rate, he was soon joined by his beautiful (and AGE APPROPRIATE- THANK GOD) wife, Lena. ¾ Spanish and ¼ Filipina, she was petite with lovely bones- pale skin with caramel freckles, unusually beautiful peat moss colored eyes with flecks of green, wavy mostly salt and a little pepper a la Joni Mitchell hair, and a slight space between her front teeth. She looked (for those of you who know who this is) like a warmer, more down- to- earth version of Cheri France, who was one of the most exotic, vibrant, and fragile women I’ve ever seen. In the 90’s there used to be this “type” of woman you’d see everywhere- long, coarse, thick wavy hair, space between the teeth, wide, coal- fringed eyes, freckles, long thin bones, and “ethnic” wear- float-y skirts with heavy sweaters- potters, singers, dancers, weavers, tea-store owners. Not sure what happened to them all, but those over 30 will know EXACTLY who I’m talking about. She was one, and I liked her.

I fell in love with these two- we spent about an hour talking about culture, books, food, travel, you name it. They run a college and high school that has a British curriculum but is located here (kind of a sister school type thing) and Tony asked me “What would it take to get you here to Manila?” I laughed “Uh, a bag of popcorn and 50 cents? I’m actively looking to relocate!” They gave me their card and made me promise to call them, as they are always looking for English Teachers.

I left them to their own devices and circulated for a bit, getting hit up by a few enterprising sales people from real estate and Mary Kay, and watching the Marlboro and Winston girls make waves. Before the smoking ban in bars in, I believe, 2003, one of the coolest jobs ever was “Camel Girl”. The cig companies would send these super- cool super- good- looking shills into the bars about once a month. Hand over your ID and give them your email (to prove you were 18) and pull out a crumpled pack of cigs to prove you were a smoker and they would give you free cigs and free logo merchandise. My sister got a very cool messenger bag out of them, as I think she actually knew one of those guys. This was the highlight of the night if you happened to be there when the “Camel Guy” was there. A ripple would go through the crowd: “Camel guy’s here! Get Lindsay out of the bathroom!!!”
 Well, here in a country whose motto is “Smoke UP Johhny!”, they still have Winston/ Camel girls. Very, very pretty, and very “done” in skin tight strapless sheath dresses and sky high heels (they had to tip toe around, poor things, to avoid getting stuck in the slats—many of us, myself included, solved that issue by going barefoot eventually) they worked the crowd like the pros they were, showing off their LED Winston packs like Filipina Vanna Whites.

After a few hours, the crowd was starting to dance and break up into hot little groups of people reliving events that just happened a few moments ago (a group of prep school bandits was in awe over their QueenPin having shed her sandals and participated in an impromptu game of pickup volleyball with a group of men “You’re a rock star!” the suburban mall Suzy Cream Cheese gals gushed over her.) and the DJ was playing 1970’s wedding friendly hits, so I made me exit. A long taxi ride later with a taxi driver who was either partially deaf or slightly mentally handicapped or both (it was a bit terrifying listening to him try to make out directions over the phone from my hotel), and I was home, happy as a clam.
One of the most perfect nights in memory.