Underwhelmed

A vitally important but seldom discussed issue: Underpinnings.

Readers, I've made a semi- solemn vow to discuss *everything* about living here, and in between swooning over the beautiful babies that litter the production floor at work and eating my way through various resort towns, we must discuss the bottom line (Har! Har! I can't pass up a good pun.)

Underpants.

It's hard out there for a pimp...to find underwear that's not labeled XXXL (no way. I don't care if it's the JesusPanties, I ain't wearin' no triple X nothin'), or labeled XL, by which they mean "only kind of tiny".

Seeing as sizes start at "superannuated infant" and go to "jailbait" even in the ladies dept, I was really lost trying to find underwear that fit (both top and bottom).

Side note: I'm not very unusual, size wise, I've even lost weight since coming here, and I usually wear a 36D bra and a size L or XL drawers, depending on the cut. Here I wear a 90C (does wonders for your self esteem, that merrie olde metric system, it does) and I was wearing the "free size" underwear from Lady Grace ("For the Graceful Figure"), (or as I wryly referred to it "Lady Fatty") or "LL" from Wacoal. Wacoal, the only company up until recently that carried anything close to a bra that fits, was a lifesaver. I was able to find 4-5 bras (the bras I brought with me were close to their expiration date), and a few underpants. The problem there was that the underwear were about 8 dollars each, which makes one a bit hesitant to throw them on on an everyday basis. Date night, yes, 9- hour- 2 -hour- commute- on sketchy- public- transportation-workday, no.

So, there was a lack of regular, cotton, everyday underwear. Yes, there was good old Lady Fatty underwear, which was cut in the evergreen "all the birth control you'll ever need" style, but for once I can afford decent underwear, and wherefore art thou, Pantieo?

Some of you may not be able to relate, since it must be admitted that only one (one! and it was Jean Claude Woutier, or "JC" for those of you who remember this guy, it's no surprise) guy who's ever noticed what I was wearing, underwear wise. Once in a while, a guy will give you a muttered "those are cute", obviously repeating something a former girlfriend told him to say, but for the most part, if they're not horrifying, they're all the same to most men. Nonetheless, everyone has their wardrobe fantasies. For my sister, it's having a wardrobe of "dry clean" only business wear, for me, it's a wardrobe of pretty, feminine, dainty, color-coordinated underpinnings.

In the US, I used to go to Aerie (the American Eagle offshoot) so often I had a membership card, where their cotton drawers were 5 for 25, and I usually wore the boyshorts in, like, stripes. Now, I'm older, and the college girl look just isn't enough for me, so I've invested in a few more upscale pieces.

Here, there's only two places to buy underpants in the mall: the department store, which carries a huge selection of 32AA bras and matching panties in "hide and seek" size, and one small section of "Lady Fatty Shapewear" in size "I hate the world".

Also, there's "Bench", which is like... a downscale Abercrombie and Fitch, and it carries a vast selection of teen-friendly bras that could double as elbow pads for RollerDerby Barbie, and teeny weenie panties. I made the mistake of buying one of those "5 packs" of cotton underpants in size XXL and I couldn't get them up past my thighs. Oof.

One time I found a bunch of Kmart like "seconds" at my local version of Kmart (PureGold)in sizes L and XL, but you know how cheap cotton underwear do: it looks "okay" for about 2 washes and then it looks like " Ozarks Meth label confidential- film at 11". So those lasted, oh, a month or so. Basically, every time I went to the department store I was searching for those elusive every once in a while size XL drawers from brands that kind of fit. Oh, the high class life. It's not for everyone.

Well, enter La Senza, a blatant Victoria's Secret Rip off that I stumbled on while in Manila this past weekend. (I also finally found a Gap with a Gap body section, and bought some underwear there as well.) I was able to load UP on cute, printed, cotton/ Lycra mix underpants in my size. 7 for 20, bras for 10 each, (I got 2), and slightly more elaborate undies 5 for 20.

And it looks and fits "normally" (failed brands include Sooggi (should be called "Teeny") Jockey (the MOST UNCOMFORTABLE panties I've EVER worn, they were like wearing half a girdle. The lower half.) and Marks and Spencer's-- M&S was especially bad- their boy shorts' elastic was designed by a serial killer, it's so awful).


I can also recommend "Floozie/French Frost" (I know, will underwear makers ever learn that ladies who wear underwear are not the target market for labels implying that they don't wear underwear?) Their underwear is killingly expensive but very cute- printed cotton in upscale prints like luggage tags or lemons and limes (kind of a Lily Parish with the volume down type of thing), and a little metal charm sewn in ribbon on the front. Hand wash only! I treated myself to a few pairs when I went to Manila over Christmas. It's available at Debenham's Department store.

Ladies, we all know that underwear can ruin your day (creepy- creepy, bindy- bindy, wedgie, wedgie) or make you feel great, and it's always best when it does the latter (nicey- nicey).