School daze

Well, tomorrow is the last day of class for the "English" part of training. I'll be following this wave to product training, and I have to say, I'm pretty attached to them.

Here's the players (no names!)

Mr. Religion: (front and center)

Mr. Religion has a coffee tumbler he's customized with a picture of Jesus that looks *just* like Tom Brady. He's also my best buddy in the group, naturally, since me and religion mix about as well as oil and water, so following the laws of the universe, he gravitates to me and enjoys quizzing me intensely about the US, why I'm not married, and sundry other personal questions.

The Sweetheart: (black jacket, third from right)

Slender, and very good looking in a "perfect child" way, with huge liquid eyes fringed with long, curly, jet black lashes, he told the class a story about his childhood crush and was so emotional his voice was cracking.
The class was super supportive, shouting out "You're shaking, man! You're shaking!" (This is the Filipino way- to loudly point out what people probably would rather keep to themselves. The other day Mr. Religion and I were talking and I was making him laugh and his eyes were watering and people were shouting "Why are you crying?! You're crying!" He punctuated this story with a move we all associate with him now: the chest thump with closed fist right over the heart. Whenever we say his name we do the thump. It's actually affectionate. He's had 7 girlfriends from all over the country.

The Mascot: (very front, blue shirt, short guy)

There's two of these:

Miss Pregg-O (a super sweet shy girl, who's SUPER preggo)

And The Dude: The Dude is a very short (like 4'9") guy who's like a well- loved doggie with a curly tail- he's almost always got a genuine smile on his face. He takes his lumps with his oatmeal. He loves to laugh. He's married and loves his wife and kids. He doesn't miss a trick and probably barbecues a mean steak. He's cool but not as cool as....

The Cool Guy: (far left)

This guy treated us to a light show and dance moves for his "entertainment"- he knows how to pop and lock it and roll his body and look pretty good doing it. He has feathered hair and wears a sideways baseball cap and tight polos to show off his toned triceps and strategically ripped cargos. Hobbies include being a DJ and doing graphic design. Named his kid "Shanute"- "Shaun for "of god" and "te" for "to make it feminine".

The Reality TV star in the making: (striped pink and white shirt, right above Mr. Religion)

This curvy, loud, sexy, and flirty little bit of trouble likes to take candid shots with her camera, flip her hair, and run up behind guys and jump up on their backs for a piggy back ride. Looks a little like Kim Kardashian and a lot like someone who will one day grace a mug shot with mascara tears running down her face.


The Stoner/ Heavy- Duty- Drinker who's hot but a total mess: (back row, guy as tall as me)

This otherwise normal guy admitted to the class "I'm an alcoholic", when asked to tell the class something about himself. (He opened with "I'm gay. Just kidding." woah.....ho-kay! Calling Freud!) When the nonplussed trainer tried to continue the conversation "uh, what do you like to uh, drink?" He answered with unvarnished honesty "Anything that gets me intoxicated." Um...okay. Wow. He's dating....


Miss Clueless: (front, purple jacket, flashing the peace sign)

Sweet and innocent, somehow thinks she can tear the above away from his beloved Red Horse. Not a chance, honey.


Sara Zona: (next to me, mostly hidden)

"Sara Zona" is what I call really, really, really fucking cool girls that have a touch of the 'bian about their person but you can't really pinpoint it. They're really athletic and they often seem to be shimmering the air around them with a kind of almost male appreciation of other women, but they're not *quiiitteee* tipping off your 'dar. Gave an *amazing* acapella performance of "Moulin Rouge" since that's perfect for her register- mezza alto. Named after the original from Our Lady of Mercy High School, where I went to school.

Saran Wrap: (behind the Mascot, wearing Red)

Saran Wrap is the oddly clingy nerdy one that yourbestfriendOMGforever on day one, who you barely know the name of, who's kind of possessive and you *really* don't want to see the dark side of.... so you play along, hoping she like, drops the class or finds a new one soon.

The Doofus: (second from right, with his head tipped at an unnatural angle and his eyes closed since he wasn't sure what we were doing or even where he was at the time)

The Doofus is half cool, half glasses crooked on his head. He's a loveable goofball who's known for being way too casual at every event he's ever attended in his life. During the interview (I interviewed this guy and FAILED him, but he somehow wiggled in) he described his ideal job as "just chillin' ". Okay, guy.

He's actually teased *mercilessly* by Saran Wrap about being "in love" with this other guy in the class, Travis, and he always unintentionally eggs her on by whine-yelling "I don't care if he's absent! I don't care, okay!!" Not sure what's up with him, sexuality-wise, but he seems to sort of protest a little too much and Saran Wrap types have a positive genius for ferreting out the topic MOST likely to make you hate them forever, so he very well could "love" Travis. (who BTW is next to him in the photo.)


Mom: (next to me, with the pulled back pony tail and no-nonsense expression)

Mom actually hangs around Miss Cluesless and The Stoner as an odd kind of third wheel to the point where I at first thought that Mom and The stoner were together. It's probably due to her very strong mom vibe that these two lost souls gravitate towards her. Size "L" bra and kid-hollerin' voice. Nice lady, just wouldn't mess with her, myself.