I guess I haven't had much to say lately- or actually, a little too much to say- too personal, too close to home.
So this story should be told because I think everyone's been there:
Something you thought was really sweet and innocent goes sour faster than a bottle of Thunderbird wine in the June sun.
What happened was I met this guy through work and (to make a long story short) was flirting with him in a very mild way, testing the waters. Then he showed his true colors: player/ stinkbug.
For example, after he seemed to show some interest, I left him my phone number on FB, thinking if he wanted to pursue it, he would. Then he was texting me for a few days, being mildly flirtatious back. All good. Rather than drag things out, I asked him to play badmitton with me that Sunday, kind of a "get to know you" type thing.
Well, we had fun and then grabbed a burger and a beer at the local pub and got to know each other a little. I was still on the fence about him- he's stunning looking but as far as personality goes- that kind of blank, bland, removed, walled- up Filipino thing was going on- nice, sweet, gentlemanly, but didn't really feel a strong connection (contrasting the live-wire chemistry I've had with, say, Ankit, where we played off each other and he seemed to make the room around him shimmer with sexual energy).
Well that lack of any strong connection was probably a good thing because after I got home I got this message from him asking if I would mind keeping us going out on the DL because his friends might tease him.
Ok, sure. You want the DL? You. Fucking. Got it. I made sure to get a blow out the next day and roll into work wearing a divinely flattering black sweater and pants that even my super picky roommate had commented on. Then it was time for something Cary Tennis turned me on to: "Mental Photoshop". He's just not there. No looks, no smiles, no hi. Nothing.
Now, I don't like playing games- well, correction, I enjoy it, but I don't like the *idea* of having to play games to get what I want. It puts a sour taste over the whole friendship or romance.
Sure enough, that same night I got another message- "I'm sorry I sent that message, it was the wrong thing to say-- I saw you today and you are indeed beautiful." Score: Me 01. Him: 00
Well, then the flirtatious texting continues, ( including several texts where he tried unsuccessfully to get me to commit to saying I liked him/ was interested in him) but after one visit to his FB page (which I won't be repeating) it becomes clear that there's someone else very much in the picture that was (most likely) in the "development" stages when I was also flirting with him. So that's that. I mean, cute guys are everywhere, I don't need to waste my time on someone that's not availiable.
So I went deep cold- I wasn't upset, just pragmatic- I mean, what's the point? Over the weekend I got one or two texts, same old story, so I invited him to a birthday party for a friend. I got a "I can't/ maybe I can/ no I can't" text series- 3 in 3 minutes- 2 of which came before I could answer the first one. Okay, someone doesn't have a fucking clue what he's doing.
Anyway, that was that. I'm not chasing someone around. Status update of "it's complicated" and a "no, but thanks sooo much" to an invitation= not interested.
Well, imagine my pique when I got a text from him yesterday saying THIS: "Hi Naomi, hope everything's good. I'm not sure if I passed certification for the next level [at work], could you do me a favor and find out? Thanks Miss Naomi."
Let's break this down. Hell. No.
I thought about it for about half an hour, simmering with rage over the snarky little "Miss" (just to remind me he's a student and I'm a creaky, ancient, sexless old maid teacher), and the fact this guy had the stones to ask me for a favor when he's done nothing for me and has zero intention of ever doing anything for me.
He's clearly trading on the fact that he thinks he knows I like him (and more than he likes me, putting him in the "driver's seat") so he can ask me for "favors" and i'll do it, thinking this will somehow endear me to him, put me closer to dating him.
Funnily enough, I've never heard a man say "I really fell in love with her because she did so many favors for me."
Gentle Readers, mama didn't raise no doormat.
Here's the verbatim of the message I sent "Actually that's not my dept. Ask [coworker]. Beyond that, it's really not quite cricket to ask a woman for "favors" using your slight friendship as a ballast. Especially when you haven't done anything for her. She looks desperate if she says yes and cold if she says no. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it, but I felt I had to say something."
Ding. That's how you call out someone's bullshit. I got a text back but I haven't even opened it. No matter what it says, it won't be able to erase or explain the pure bad manners of trying to take advantage of someone that showed some interest in you, when you have little or no interest in them. Bad show.
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