Somewhere a kitten is howling angrily. The streets are slick with rain. One can hear hoofbeats echoing off the cobblestone. It should be quaintly adorable. It's a tourist trap from top to bottom.
I took a flight from Manila to Laoag airport (you have to overshoot the location by about an hour's drive to shave a much, much longer bus ride off your trip) at 10 AM. From Laoag "International" "Airport" (shown below *in it's entirety*)
you have to take a shuttle bus to the town of Laoag proper. Honestly, I sort of feel I should have just stayed in Laoag, it's the second most pleasant place I've ever seen in the Philippines (the first being Baguio). Clean, tidy little streets with cute little houses, vibrant flowers swaying in the midday breeze, little kalesas (horse drawn carts) hanging around outside McDo, just chilling, and a general air of a mildly prosperous sleepy bedroom town that time and the cares of the outside world have passed by. I was even thinking "gosh I wish I had some more time to explore this little place. It's so nice!"
The shuttle takes about 30 minutes to get to town proper.On the shuttle from the "airport" to the town proper, the little self important dudette who takes the names comes on board and then counts you off, summer camp style, to make sure the people who signed up 10 seconds ago are really on the shuttle and no one is wandering the 4 square feet in front of the bus going "where's the clearly marked, garishly decorate shuttle that everyone and their dog Fred is pointing to? I'm so lost"!
then you have to take a bus, which supposedly takes 70 minutes, in reality takes 2 hours, since there is only ONE road and you, tricylces, vespas, pedal bikes, shuffling old ladies beating a herd of goats, etc have to share. Finally the bus dumps yo' ass by the side of the road (!! but actually not that shocking if you've taken any buses in the Philippines before; there's not really any stops that are clearly marked, people just kind of hop off wherever) and it's off to the wonders of the only town in the islands that has 2 World Heritage Sites--- the ladies toilets and the bookstore, bum-dum-bum! Ha ha, no actually there are 2 UNESCO Sites here and I'll probably go to them tomorrow. Sigh.
My hotel was quite nice, a converted Spanish Mission house with very beautiful open courtyards overlooking the street on each floor. Decorated with *massive* old fashioned furniture (the kind you could see desperate families burning for fuel on a particularly bad winter's night) that got in line twice when God was handing out curlique's, the room was "fine". Some minor complaints would include BLAZING fluorescent lights on the vanity table, a very odd shower arrangement (a glass door swings out from the middle seam, using a round dowel handle. The whole operation weighs about 50 tons, is totally inefficient, scary, and dangerous, yet someone thought it was the last word in class: Philippines "upscale" hotels in a nutshell), the fact that on the second day my comforter disappeared, the craptacular cable that features 15 sports channels, HBO and Starz and that's basically it, the windows that don't open, and so on.
You *do* get all the free lukewarm bottled water you can guzzle, however.
After toddling over to the (very typically) shy, nervous, fawn like staff at the tourist information center who hardly spoke any English (why they employ knock kneed, stars in their eyes freshman from the local high school who look like they're on the verge of tears to answer pointed questions from aggressive Koreans is beyond me, but eh, they do!) to grab some brochures and not get any questions answered, it was off to eat.
Then it was over to Cafe Leona for a pizza and a drinkie and home to watch The Season of the Witch (Terrible! Terrible dialogue, terrible plot line, and yet somehow strangely enjoyable) and pass out.
Next day! It dawned rainy, but I was hoping to go to the ineptly named "OveMar" resort a few miles away to swim, and get some sun.
First, brekkers: Cold "sausage" (cut up hotdogs) with RED onions (I mean, really! who in their right mind serves RED onions for breakfast!) and passable toast (stone cold) with eggs over easy. (Hard as a brick yet edible). Hey, it was free! (It came with the room).
Next was the one experience everyone says you have to have here: riding in a kalesa. I picked one called "Ferrari 1" and clambered on board and off we went for a joggly, extremely weird adventure. I really shouldn't have done the whole horse drawn carriage thing, but I wanted to "have the experience" and I also wanted to support these old dudes who were hanging around looking kind of desperate. But guys, I was on the verge of tears the whole time. I *know* horses like to work, and these were all healthy, and the guy did not mistreat his animal in any way. They seemed like they had a good relationship. There was just something really upsetting about the blinders, the bit, the tragic little plastic flower on the horses' bridle, the whole thing really bottomed me out emotionally. Also, getting in and out of a horse drawn carriage the first few times is *harrowing*. You have to balance your whole weight on a little step that's about 6 by 6 inches, and the driver's hand (I now clearly see the need for "footmen" in yesteryears) while you try to step down from about 4 feet off the ground. Eek. I just couldn't get various wrenching death scenes from the Black Beauty books out of my mind. I was a wreck.
We stopped by the old bell tower (eh) and then off to the WORST PLACE IN THE WORLD. (And I have to go back there tomorrow to get souvenirs. This place was the souvenir market, housed in these preserved old buildings that looked like a musuem diorama. I tumbled out of the carriage to shop around for "pasalubong" for my work buddies and I was like, in a K hole of despair. Cheaply made, boring, repetitive and tasteless geegaws and knicknacks assaulted me from every corner. Key chains, shot glasses, tee shirts, bags... the thing that got to me was every single one of the 20 shops carried the same goods. I gave up, feeling WAY too emotional after about 15 shops and several "hard sells" where the clerk circled me like a shark on chum "Yes ma'am, tee shirt ma'am. You like? We have size. Come in. Touch." Ugh.
Then it was off to OveMar, which I'll write about later since this internet cafe is closing up soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment