Celebrate, good times, come on!
Our company recently elected a new country head, and as part of a series of well intentioned and woefully under executed PR moves, our branch held a meet and greet Q and A session with our new CH, called “kapihan” (coffee and a handshake). Of course it’s not a Filipino celebration without food, blastingly loud R-Rated hip hop and some cross dressing karaoke, all of which was in evidence.
Location: Just outside our office doors.
Entertainment: The [name of company we handle outsourced work for] Movers! A group of two guys and two gals who did a little hip hop dance to that eternal classic: “Dancing to Booty Music” (yes, really).
About 4 seconds into their number, one set of speakers blew out, but they gamely kept going with their dance, with just one speaker telling various zodiac signs to “go” since it was “their birthday” (“Go Pisces Go Taurus, it’s your birthday” growls the singer, accompanied by the thundering bass line and tinkling keytar).
MC: Our new training manager for *company name redacted* who sort of acted like she thought she might be in the Miss America Pageant. “I’ve been here just 2 weeks and I feel like family already” she purred, swishing her long, Barbie curled hair and beaming her 1000 watt smile, head tilted just so.
Was she shouting into the microphone?
Is the Pope Catholic? (Side note: Filipinos haven’t really caught on that there is no need to shout into a microphone, so at any event where there’s an MC, you can count on mega feedback, which doesn’t even come close to cluing the host in that their voice is too loud. I’ve even seen people glare at the offending microphone and switch it out, due to the “mysterious” feedback.)
Other entertainment: Ken. Ken is a man who prefers to dress as a woman- I hesitate to say cross dresser or transgender, because there is a really long continuum over here from totally male to totally female. Some men wear long hair and earrings and vaguely feminine clothes, some men wear short hair and makeup, some men dress like Lady Gaga and want to be called “her” or “she”, some men dress manly but also want to be called “her” and are openly out and proud. It’s kind of a free for all.
Anyway, Ken had a buzz cut but wore full makeup. He (she?- pronouns are not gendered over here, so the solution that Filipinos have settled on in English is to call these men “it” with much giggling) was petite, but with the definite muscles most men have without even trying. Ken was wearing a cute black dress in an empire style with a short skirt and killer black boots, but no jewelry or anything.
He belted out “And I am telling you I am not going” in a clear, very feminine alto, (almost a falsetto, but Filipino men have a high, soft voice naturally, about a full octave higher than American men, so they don’t need to sing in falsetto, it’s their natural speaking and singing voice). It was pretty good, if distracting, Ken’s jet black buzz cut and Michelle Obama arms gave him (her?) a kind of Sinead O’Connor chic.
The speakers were still out, but halfway through Ken’s performance, someone apparently found the plug that had been tripped over, plugged it back in, and BLAMMO! Ken’s silver pipes were now engraved on our brains. Me and my seat mate were really trying hard not to giggle over this, as we could see half the audience was jolted out of their seats.
After Ken had bellowed his last, the question and answer session with our new country head began. Sample questions: Do you go for the face or body of potential girlfriends? How many wives do you have? Lights on or off…when you go to bed….to sleep?
Free food!
Waffle: nuclear red hot dog wrapped in a soggy waffle that has been specially formed to wrap its pinkish form.
Fish Ball: (couldn’t find it, but here’s what it is) kind of like chicken nuggets made out of fish. LOVE IT. Ate it every day for over 3 months, then was over it.
Ice cream: self explanatory
Free coffee! That had to be served by someone banging something on the table every few seconds, thus causing our new country head to scream louder into the microphone, and then stare incredulously as it whined with feedback.
Awesomest direction given: “Guys, we have a full house today so please populate the front rows. And please compress.”
Later: The custom here is to allow whoever volunteers to participate, regardless of their actual skill level. There is also no “anti -double dipping” rule. I’m sure you can see where this is going. Yes, old “cat on a hot tin roof” regaled us with not 1 but 2 songs, all howlingly out of key and sharp. I couldn’t see it, as I was already back at my desk, but every time the door opened we could hear the performer (not Ken, someone else) attacking the ear drums of the audience with an ill advised version of “My Heart Will Go On” (or something)
This went on until midnight. I think it was actually really fun for those that attended, but I had meetings and stuff so I left as the first questions were being asked
I sort of love the frankness about gender you encounter in Asia. I think the roles are more defined here than in the west, but you have much more freedom of expression. Like, you can decide to assume a female identity if you were born and raised a man for any length of time, and it's relatively okay.
ReplyDeleteYeah, and I like that the gay guys want to be more womanly, that's their "ideal" to be a woman, not just a cult of designer clothes and rock hard abs like it is for some fab gays in the US.
ReplyDelete