Shortly after a dazed frat boy and a sparkly frat girl have made me a watermelon fizzy something or other, giggly all the while at my tats, my skimpy brim, and my tattered copy of Custom of the Country in my back pocket, the next words are "what's to eat in this joint?"
Throughout my adult life, there's been a current of similar night in which a more responsible friend "manages" the situation, finding me food, drinks, a bathroom, a cab, or if there's no friend, someone sort of materializes from the crowd to show me around and tell me what's what.
(This aura may at least partially explain why I find Indians so "bossy"--they're just doing what they think I want them to do, at about 90% they're right.)
Usually the "fixer" guides me to a platter of veggies and dip, or a bread dip, after which I cock my eyebrow and start digging around in the fridge, locating the "good" cheese and some french bread and some chocolate mousse someone was saving from last week's wedding. They I usually ensconce myself in a chair and watch, finding the token fab gay man to make snide remark about and oogle the cute boys with.
This life is...over.
I'm still getting squired around and told what's what by various well meaning people, but the days of brie and raspberries are over.
So what am I eating over here? Well, I'll tell you it's NOT bagel sandwhiches, which I would *kill* for.
Breakfast (which is at 4 PM) is always the same: Pancake house, Spanish omelet with extra toast, "brewed" coffee (yes, you have to specify or you'll get instant!), and ice water (which I also have to ask for it before the meal otherwise it's saharaville until they saunter up with the food). Sometimes I get a fruit "shake" (which is really more like a slushy- fruit juice and fruit and ice blended together).
I've had a few native specialities, most notably stuffed squid, which I described to my coworkers during the Monthly Business Review while we twiddled our thumbs waiting for our client rep to wake up and get on the phone: "Well, it was delicious.
But the squid was served whole and it was kind of looking at me like this:
So that sort of put me off a bit. They were dying with laughter (which always makes me unreasonably happy- usually they're laughing AT me not WITH me).
I've also had a sort of veggie soup- a kind of thin potato base with peppers and other veggies, which was okaaayyyy. That was at the ubiquitously misnomer-ed "Congo Grill".
I've also had Ube ice cream, which I love, and Ube paste bread, which made me stop eating it and throw it away. Ube is this, (below) which gives it an intense, unnatural looking purple color when used, but as you can see, it's all natural.
It's a kind of cousin to the taro. It's really good in cakes and ice cream but terrible in a paste form in bread. And it's lurking everywhere...
Things I've said no to:
sisig: (below) Oh, you think it looks good, huh? well let me tell you it's PIG CHEEKS and it smells like a salt mine combined with a men's locker room after a polo match. People eat it at the bar, it arrives sizzling hot like a platter of Mexican food and leaves a stink that won't die.
Also said no to: Cheese ice cream. Uh, yeah. Nuf said on that one.
I tried: these little square "candies" made out of *condensed milk* and sugar (yes, you heard me right. They're just dreadful. They're a peso each in the pantry and people buy them by the pound.) They're still in a powdered form and have been squeezed into a square and wrapped like a caramel. It's like opening a can of powdered milk and shaking it into your mouth. It's below. The version at the pantry is more "homemade" looking, but just as deliriously awful, trust me.
Also Tried: this thing called "Pinoy freeze" or something. It looked okay (very common circumstance-looks normal, tastes like something from Planet Mars.) but it was very, very weird. It was bubble gum/ cotton candy flavored "ice cream" (like tastee- freeze "whip": a substance with only a nodding acquaintance with ice cream) with some whipped cream- like topping, chocolate chips, and blueberry syrup. Was it bad? No, but I won't be having it again. It kind of made my teeth ache.
other: there's these snacks called "pods" that are potato chips made out of pea pods- very tasty.
Also I love pomelo juice, which they mix with grapefruit juice here. I tried the local wheatgrass juice: it was like drinking green tea with an intense marble rye bread after taste (not pleasant).Dinner is usually homemade macaroni and cheese from Goodboys (which I eat, trying to ignore the intense encouragement of Ankit to eat some of his pasta with olives- "It's good. Just try it. you'll like. Just eat it. Come on. Doesn't it look good? Okay, suit yourself. Are you sure?" Etc.) Then I get some "breakfast" on the way home from work at 4.30 AM at McDonalds- egg sandwiches, usually, sometimes flapjacks. (both of which are close enough to the real thing to be good enough for me.)
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